THE WAY WEIGHED BY REFLECTIONS OF LIFE

    

  THE WAY WEIGHED BY REFLECTIONS OF LIFE

Way 1: The Noise Inside Me

I know one day I will become myself.

And when that day comes, I will let everyone remember everything I have been through since I moved. I will keep my stories safe like a secret file, waiting for the right time to be opened.

I promise, I will tell them a good story.

But look at me now… pale, stubborn, and lost. I cannot even listen to my own thoughts. My inner self is drowning deeper every hour.

Do we still have saviors in this world?

If one exists, let him come. I don’t think it’s too late for me… maybe too late for the one who never shows up.

And you… how will you convince me this time?

What words will you use?

Words like “How are you?” mean nothing now.

Words of affection feel like a silent ringtone there, but unheard.

“What is happening today?”

No one is at the shops. Everything is closed.

For a moment, I thought they were avoiding me… fearing me.

Then I remembered—Friday. Prayer time.

I laughed at myself.

I looked up at the sky.

At least the sky can listen.

In the past, it would answer me with rain as if it understood my pain. But today, the sun only burns me.

What have I done to deserve this heat?

Mr. Obwino…

Why did he insult me in front of everyone?

His words still echo in my head.

He reminded me of my old teacher, Zanuni the one who made me kneel in class for dozing. That same shame returned.

“He’s a late comer,” they whispered.

And yes… yesterday was a mess.

But today… today will be different.

As I walked to work, I saw a painting.

A beautiful one.

A bull with long horns, tied by a rope.

Strong… yet controlled.

I stood there longer than I should have.

What was the painter trying to say?

I didn’t have the answer, but something about it stayed in my mind.

That morning, I woke up earlier than usual.

My neighbors were still trapped in their routines, fighting their silent struggles. But me… I had already “resurrected,” as I like to call it.

I made coffee and ate bread with groundnut paste.

Simple.

But then I remembered—I drank unboiled water yesterday.

Careless.

That is why I boiled a whole pot this morning. Lesson learned.

Life doesn’t stop because you are tired or frustrated. It keeps moving.

And so… I moved too.

Way 2: The Mask I Wear

My desk was clean.

Too clean.

“Jesca,” I whispered.

She is the only one who still cares.

I imagined her voice:

“I do this because of you, Nyati.”

I smiled… maybe too loudly.

People stared.

But I didn’t mind. Let them think I’ve changed. Maybe I have.

Or maybe I am just pretending to be better.

Something felt incomplete.

I decided to visit the CEO.

But then I hesitated.

Our last meeting ended badly. I was unprepared. I was new. I didn’t understand everything.

But today… I do.

Or at least I think I do.

The company is struggling. The East branch is reducing input.

Losses?

Maybe.

But why do I care so much?

I already resigned.

Still… reputation matters.

Where I come from, people say:

“Leave a good name behind, and doors will open when you return.”

So I walked toward the CEO’s office.

As I walked, memories followed me.

Friends.

Laughter.

Moments I thought would last forever.

But life doesn’t keep people together.

Primary school… lost friends.

Secondary school… lost more.

University… almost everyone gone.

And now… this company.

Will I lose them too?

Mr. Obwino asked me again and again why I resigned.

Yesterday, he insulted me… but maybe he was trying to guide me.

Maybe I misunderstood him.

Maybe… I misunderstood everything.

For five years, I worked here.

Five years.

This year, they made me a secretary.

I earned that position.

I learned from the former secretary, everything except one thing.

Serving the CEO tea.

I lied and said I was allergic to coffee.

Truth is… I just didn’t want extra work without extra pay.

Do you know how much I earned?

Not more than two hundred thousand.

A month.

Yes… laugh if you want.

A temporary secretary.

Clap for me.

No?

Then keep reading.

But here is the truth…

I loved this job.

Because it was my first.

But love changes.

And now… I have resigned.

Or maybe… I am running away.

Way 3: The Truth I Could Not Escape

That painting again.

The bull.

Strong enough to break free… but it doesn’t.

Why?

Because it knows its master.

Because it has accepted control.

That was me.

For years… I followed orders.

Respected authority.

Never questioned anything.

Not Mr. Obwino.

Not the CEO.

Not even myself.

But something changed.

Jesca.

She was the first person I met when I joined.

I bumped into her while she was cleaning.

She didn’t apologize.

She just said, “Oh.”

I got angry. I shouted.

Everyone stared.

That was my first mistake

Later that evening, I apologized.

She tried to apologize too.

And that was the moment everything shifted

Jesca saw something in me.

Something I had not yet seen in myself.

Days passed.

We talked more.

Laughed more.

And slowly… I began to change.

But here is the twist…

Jesca knew something I didn’t.

She knew about my resignation before I even decided.

She had seen the letter.

“You’re leaving,” she said one day.

I froze.

“How did you know?”

She smiled.

“Because you’re tired of being the bull.”

That night… I couldn’t sleep.

The next morning, I returned to that painting.

And for the first time…

I understood it

The bull was not weak.

It was waiting.

Waiting for the moment it decides to break free.

I stood there for a long time.

Then I smiled.

Maybe I didn’t resign because I was tired.

Maybe I resigned because…

I was ready.

Final Reflection

Life does not shout when it changes.

It whispers.

Through pain.

Through people.

Through small moments.

And sometimes…

Through a simple painting of a bull.

The End… or The Beginning.

I remain Wadizakais 

Written in the Month of October........2025........